Coming From Brey

As you’re growing up, the relationships in your household influence your idea and vision of what love is, and it’s something that you carry with you, consciously and subconsciously into your adult life.

I’m just going to go out on a limb and say that if you’re still reading this, you’ve probably experienced the kind of love where you have a heated argument, you’ve made up your mind for the 1,237th time that you’re done, and you pack up your belongings. (If you haven’t then just keep reading for entertainment value.) You clear out the one drawer you have in his place, (grabbing your toothbrush on the way out to really put the nail in the coffin), and slam the front door shut on your way out. Now you’ve thrown your belongings in your car, the keys are in the ignition, and you’re sitting in the driveway SO DONE WITH HIM, yet wondering why he hasn’t come outside yet to stop you from leaving.

Ok let’s fast forward. You’ve had time to decompress from that last relationship, (blocked your ex on everything, including Ebay) and you feel like you’re ready for that Sunday morning kind of love. One night you meet a guy when you’re out with your friends, and he seems to match the criteria you’ve created on your mental checklist of your next potential boyfriend. He’s wearing a button up Ralph Lauren polo, (not exactly your style but you can take him shopping later), works for a Hedge Fund, and at the end of the night calls a driver to make sure you and your girlfriends get home safely. (Yawn.) At first, you’re extremely proud of yourself because you feel like you’ve broken the cycle of the toothbrush taking, drawer unpacking, speeding out of the driveway relationships you’ve previously attracted. A month in, you’re in the passenger seat of Ralph-Lauren-button-up-wearing-good-guy’s car. You glance over, and can’t help but notice that he’s driving with his seat in an upright proper position, with his hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel. This is the pivotal moment that you realize that this is not the kind of person that you want to be with. You are not the type of girl that dates a 10 and 2 kind of driver. You long for the kind of guy that sits in his car with a gangster lean, one hand on the steering wheel, one hand on your thigh, looking over at you instead of paying attention to the road, risking both your lives’.

Every relationship you are in brings out a different side of you. Different people ignite different parts from within. I personally could never be content with a this-person’s-safe type of love. A lot of people talk about their relationships, and how they’re quote un quote ‘happy’, but there is no fire. I couldn’t live without it. It takes a lot for me to be attracted to someone, and I’m not the type of person that falls in love easily.  But is it possible to have an all consuming love, with the fire, passion and respect all in one?

Everyone has different standards when it comes to love and relationships. We all have certain things that we are and aren’t willing to compromise on when it comes to a significant other. I’m not a relationship expert by any means (understatement of the century hellurrrr) but I think it’s important to never sway when it comes to your inner desires and expectations.

I don’t have an answer for each individual’s definition or idea of what love should be, but what I do know is that the most important thing in a relationship is respect. When someone respects you and values you, the fire between you is the healthy kind. The kind that keeps you on your toes, yet drives you to be a better version of yourself. What better feeling is there when it comes to a significant other, then the feeling of feeling safe with someone, the feeling of knowing that regardless if you’re in that persons’ presence or not, they’re honoring you and the bond that you have between the two of you. That’s the kind of fire that makes you want to get on a red eye and show up at their door in a trench coat and heels.

If you want to date Ralph Lauren polo wearing guy, go for it. If a guy that drives with a slight gangster lean is more up your alley then, well, we have something in common. Is it fun to be driven crazy by someone? Absafuckinlutely not. But I think there’s a fine line between being with someone out of wanting to just feel ‘safe’ but not having that fire, and being with someone that drives every single part of you;

and I don’t think life was meant to be lived just going through the motions.

A little passionate argument followed by maybe an inanimate object being thrown (such as a shoe or a McDonald’s bag of food that your boyfriend is trying to devour) never really hurt anybody. And, if it did in fact actually physically hurt someone then you’re crazier than I am and you should seek help… immediately.