Except when he whips out that little d…. Nevermind.
Ever since I was 16 years old I’ve suffered from migraines. They would come on every 3-6 months out of nowhere, and I’d be in agonizing pain for a few hours waiting for them to dissipate. I never knew what they were from or what to attribute them to, and for several years they seemed to have gone away. Fast forward to now. I don’t even want to think about how much of the past year has gone by that I spent in bed because of my migraines. Slowly over the course of the last couple years they’ve come on almost weekly. Everyone that gets headaches has a different experience, thus is the same with migraines. I get them so bad to the point that my vision is foggy and I feel like I’m blacking out all day until the pain comes to a head and I can’t even move. To say I became extremely depressed is an understatement. I can’t even put it into words. I went to bed every night holding my head (because it hurt, not as a praying ritual lol) and prayed that I would just wake up without any pain, that’s all I wanted. I’ve gone to so many doctors, most of whom wanted to just prescribe me pain medicine and send me out the door. That wasn’t and will never be an option for me. I don’t want to be a zombie, but thank you so much for the help and the bill!
At first I could take a prescribed migraine med (Sumatriptan or Imitrex) but I got the headaches so frequently my body stopped responding to them and they just made me sick. The last year of my relationship I was basically in pain 24/7. I would be out running errands, doing every day things and have to race home in fear of blacking out while I was at the grocery store. Or worse, driving my car. I’ve been hospitalized 2 or 3 times so far this year, and as attractive as I may think I am, I can admit that I do not look cute in a hospital gown and booties.
A couple months ago a friend of mine referred me to a pain specialist 3 hours away. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve been referred to a doctor, gotten my hopes up that I could just go back to being my happy normal self, and having them crushed. However, as horrible as I’ve felt I know deep down that being positive is the only way you can live, regardless how many times you feel like you’ve hit a wall. The doctor that I met with was absolutely amazing. She said my two options were to do an occipital nerve block or Botox for migraines. We opted to do the Botox because the nerve block wasn’t fitting for the type of headaches I was getting. She gave me 31 shots, mostly in the back of my head, neck, and a few above my eyebrows. (Next time it would be greatly appreciated if she would throw a couple extra shots in along my smile lines and upper forehead so I don’t have to express myself.)
I titled this entry “It’s the Little Things,” because it truly is. Before my headaches left me debilitated, I never realized how grateful I was to be healthy. We all are too busy living our lives that we take the little things for granted. When I went to bed in pain, all I wanted was to wake up feeling good so that I could enjoy my day. I wasn’t thinking about menial material things. I wanted to have a day, ONE DAY, where I felt like my normal, happy self. The one that wakes up and can’t function before my cup of coffee, but once I get it I’m nice and friendly and might even do the laundry with the music blaring.
When you’ve spent as much time in doctors’ offices as I have, you realize how many people out there are suffering. Suffering through things far worse then anything we could even imagine. It makes you realize how trivial the things are that we’ve been upset about before, like a fake nail breaking and ruining your day. Looking at my life and the greater picture, I realize how thankful I am when I go days without any pain. I still get frequent headaches here and there, but just the simple fact that I can write about having good days despite all of it is something that I wouldn’t trade for the world, not even a Chanel bag. I still have days where I can’t leave my house because I’m so foggy I can’t function or think straight. But those days make me appreciate the good days that much more. I hope (and effing pray) one day my headaches will altogether dissipate, but until then I know that I have to be thankful for the life that I do have, because I know that it could be so much worse.